FORE by David Hogan

FORE | By David Hogan

Cast of Characters  

JONES   early 30s, an environmental activist
AMANDA   early 30s, a defense contractor
DEREK   40s, a golfer 

Place
A golf course in New Jersey 

Time
Present

Scene 1 

Setting: A forest next to a golf course. 

At Rise: The sound of two voices screaming and branches breaking, etc. Lights up on  JONES and AMANDA as they hang in parachute harnesses a few feet above  the stage.  

AMANDA 

You okay? Jones? You okay? 

JONES 

Think so, yeah. You? Arms? Legs? Anything broken? 

AMANDA 

No, nothing, I think I’m fine. God, where are we? 

JONES 

In trees. A forest maybe.  

AMANDA 

Can’t see the forest for the trees? 

JONES 

Think that’s funny? 

AMANDA 

It’s not gonna make our situation any worse. 

JONES 

You got us into this mess. 
(her voice)  
Hey, let’s go parachuting. I used to date a jump instructor in the Navy.  

AMANDA 

I was trying to save our relationship. Do something together for once. Add some excitement. 

JONES 

Our relationship doesn’t need saving anymore. We do. 

AMANDA 

Only because you couldn’t judge the wind. 

JONES 

I couldn’t see anything up there. It was so cloudy. Then coming down, I glimpsed some open, green areas and aimed for them.  

AMANDA 

That’s why we’re in a forest? 

JONES 

You’re hanging next to me. 

AMANDA 

I followed you down. I knew you were off. I couldn’t just let you go. 
(looking around) 

Maybe they’ll come rescue us. 

JONES 

Who? The jump instructor, your ex-boyfriend, said he’d do the drop only if he could  deny it. This never happened!  

AMANDA 

He could get in a lot of trouble using military assets for non-military business.  

JONES 

So why risk it?  

AMANDA 

Because I come from a long line of military heroes, that’s why, honored veterans from  nearly every civil, national, and world war on four continents. Minor skirmishes, too.  

JONES 

Fascists. 

AMANDA 

We earned what we took. What’d your family do? 

JONES 

We were peasants. Simple, decent farmers, living off the land 

AMANDA 

-Losers 

JONES 

-Who survived famines, insurrections, invasions to bring us, me, to this. What a way for  us to go. 

(They take in their surroundings.) 

AMANDA 

Too bad we didn’t bring our phones. Could you imagine the likes if we posted this? 

JONES 

Are you kidding me? 

AMANDA 

No, you’re right. We’d need a long selfie stick to the get the proper context with the  forest and all.  

JONES 

How about, if we had phones… Oh, I don’t know… calling for help. 

AMANDA 

Sometimes I don’t think you’ve ever had an original idea in your head.  

JONES 

Do you have any other original ideas? You know, like, good ones.  

AMANDA 

I do actually. That, hanging here, we’re a perfect metaphor for modern relationships. 

JONES 

That’s your idea?  

AMANDA 

…Suspended like this… Waiting…  

JONES 

Maybe I can shake loose if I… 

(He looks up, starts to rock back and forth.) 

AMANDA 

… Neither alive nor dead… Neither together nor apart… 

JONES 

If I had something sharp… 

AMANDA 

… what holds us together is the very thing that holds us apart. 

JONES 

What are you talking about?  

AMANDA 

My idea. 

JONES 

I meant an idea about how to get down from here, not just some stupid idea. That can’t  help us. 

AMANDA 

It can give us meaning. Something to fight for.  

JONES 

Meaning is survival!  

AMANDA 

I see how you come from peasants. 

JONES 

And I see why you were successful soldiers. God, you’d just start talking about your bright ideas and eventually the other side would beg you to shoot them. 

AMANDA 

We stood for something and risked our lives.  

JONES 

What do you stand for? Greed? Getting another defense contract? 

AMANDA 

I make a hell of a lot more money than you do. 

(A small white object rockets past them..)  

JONES 

What was that? 

AMANDA 

A bee? Bird? 

JONES 

No, it was heavier, harder. Somebody’s shooting at us. 

AMANDA  

Nobody’s shooting. We’d’ve heard the retort. Maybe it’s cannibals, coming to eat us.  

JONES 

Cannibals in New Jersey?  

AMANDA 

Yeah, they’re waiting to see how we react. Maybe they want to make us sex slaves first. 

JONES 

You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Sooner or later, you’re gonna realize the position we’re in. (looking at the harness)  

There are some clips up there. If I could get high enough to release them… 

(JONES tries, unsuccessfully, to pull himself toward the  

clips. AMANDA swings and kicks him.) 

JONES 

The hell was that for?  

AMANDA 

If we’re going to die, let’s go out proudly, fighting like heroes, not sniveling like peasants.  

(AMANDA aims a ferocious kick right at his crotch. This time, JONES kicks back.) 

JONES 

What is wrong with you? See what you’ve turned us into. 

(Another small white object flies by.) 

AMANDA 

Another one.  

(screaming)  

Hey! In here! We’re in here! 

JONES 

Wait. I think I hear something. 

(They listen. There is a rustling sound.)  

AMANDA 

Could be a person. 

JONES 

Could be an animal.  

AMANDA 

I think it’s gone. 

JONES 

What if it was a animal? A bear? Coming to eat us. 

AMANDA 

What if it was a person hiking? Coming to save us. 

JONES 

That’s your problem. Right there. 

AMANDA 

Exactly. You’re afraid of the thing that will save you.  

JONES 

You think the thing’s that’s here to kill you is going to save you.  

AMANDA 

At least we know where we stand. 

JONES 

Hang. 

AMANDA 

(to herself)  

What the heck. 

(She swings toward him and wraps her legs around him.) 

JONES 

Stop! What are you doing? 

AMANDA 

C’mon, be brave. Try something new.  

JONES 

Get away from me!  

(He tries to release himself. She won’t let him go.) 

AMANDA 

Let’s do it. 

JONES 

We’re hanging here about to die and you want to have sex?  

(She tries to pull down his pants.)  

AMANDA 

It’s romantic. It’s like one of those plane crashes with two survivors. They may not like each other but they huddle together anyway and make love over and over in their final  frozen days.  

JONES 

And when the first one dies, the other one eats them, limb by limb, organ by organ. That’s romantic? 

AMANDA 

It’s intimate. 

JONES 

Stop! I don’t want to. No. Rape! 

DEREK  

(offstage) 

Fore! 

(Another ball hits JONES. DEREK enters, carrying a golf  bag. He looks them over.) 

DEREK 

I’ve been around a little bit, even done some kinky stuff myself. But I’ve got to hand it to you, this shows some imagination.  

AMANDA 

I’ve got the imagination.  

(AMANDA lets JONES go with her legs.) 

JONES 

We thought we were going to die. 

AMANDA 

We’re like those people whose plane goes down in the mountains. 

DEREK 

One of them usually ends up eating the other. 

JONES 

That’s what I said. She thinks it’s romantic. 

DEREK 

I don’t know if it’s romantic, but it’s intimate. 

AMANDA 

(to Jones)  

See. 

DEREK 

Talk about coughing up a lung. 

(AMANDA laughs. JONES doesn’t.) 

JONES 

You going to cut us down or what? 

DEREK 

Maybe. But it isn’t often that I come upon people hanging from the trees off the eighth fairway and attempting to have sex. It gives a whole new meaning to the word, dogleg. 

JONES 

It wasn’t consensual. 

DEREK 

You’re lucky I haven’t corrected my slice. Seventeen thousand dollars on lessons and still, every time I hit the ball… 

(He shows the way the ball travels.) 

AMANDA 

Try rolling your left hand and taking a slightly weaker grip. 

DEREK 

You play golf? 

AMANDA 

I was on the team at the Naval Academy.  

JONES 

Don’t even start.  

(DEREK and AMANDA ignore JONES.) 

AMANDA 

You’ll lose a few yards in distance, but make it up by hitting hit straighter. 

DEREK 

Thanks, uh… 

AMANDA 

Amanda. 

DEREK 

Well I’ll try that, Amanda. God knows I have the time. I’ve been out here every night since my divorce. I’m Derek. 

(He shakes AMANDA’s hanging foot.) 

AMANDA 

A single, handsome man all alone on an empty golf course. So romantic.  

JONES 

Everything’s romantic to you. Plane crashes, cannibalism. 

DEREK 

(to Amanda) 

It’s not as romantic as it sounds. You know, you think when you get divorced, it’ll be free and easy and women will just drop in on you, but it doesn’t work out that way. Not  usually anyway. 

AMANDA 

Oh, Derek. 

DEREK 

Yeah, sometimes I don’t think I even want to correct my slice. It’d leave too much of a  void in my life. It’s not easy inheriting looks, wealth, health and privilege, believe me. 

AMANDA 

I know, I’m descended from military heroes myself. 

JONES 

Kill me now. Just kill me now. 

DEREK 

You know, the marriage of money and military, of wealth to warriors, has always been…  

AMANDA 

…an unstoppable combo, yeah. 

DEREK 

… all we need to do is unite forces…  

AMANDA 

… An LLC, an LBO, an MRS…  

JONES 

Did I hear that right? 

DEREK 

… some initiative and ambition… 

AMANDA 

… ruthlessness and cunning… 

DEREK 

… and the world is our oyster…  

AMANDA 

… waiting to be shucked, plucked, and mother 

JONES 

-You’re both taking over the world and she’s not even out of her tree yet. 

AMANDA 

(re: Jones) 

He’s from peasants.  

DEREK 

Tell me something I don’t know.  

AMANDA 

Wants everything handed to him. Soak the rich and coddle the weak and lazy, that’s him. If only he had some ambition. 

JONES 

I work for the Sierra Club. What’s more ambitious than saving the planet? 

DEREK 

Oh my God, virtue signal much?  

JONES 

And I’m not for soaking the rich. It’s just that an extraction and accumulation based economy is no longer sustainable for 

DEREK 

Yeah, yeah, yeah, blah, blah, blah. I used to be twelve years old once too. (to Amanda) 

Is he for real? 

AMANDA 

Fearfully so. 

DEREK 

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. 

(goes into his golf bag and finds a knife) 

Should do the trick. 

AMANDA 

Can you cut his throat first? 

DEREK 

Why, you hungry? 

(THEY laugh. JONES doesn’t. DEREK tries to cut  

AMANDA down.) 

DEREK 

(re: his cutting)  

Doesn’t seem to be doing any good. 

AMANDA 

(looking up)  

Maybe if you lift me up on your shoulders? There are some clips up there and if I can get high enough maybe I could… 

(DEREK stands under AMANDA. With her feet on his  

shoulders, she’s able to reach up and unhook herself.  

DEREK lets her fall into his arms.) 

AMANDA 

Thanks. You’re strong. 

DEREK 

And you’re so softly warm. God, I’ve missed that. 

AMANDA 

Maybe you don’t have to.  

DEREK 

I know this is sudden, but can I kiss you? I mean, right now, after you’ve dropped into my arms like this, like an angel from Amazon.  

AMANDA 

I thought you’d never ask. 

(They kiss.) 

JONES 

You just met and now you both think it’s the beginning of some great military-industrial power match? 

(DEREK puts his hand over his heart.) 

DEREK 

Feel that?  

(putting AMANDA’s hand over his heart.)  

It’s concussive.  

(AMANDA puts DEREK’s hand over her heart.) 

AMANDA 

Mine too. 

(DEREK kisses her again.) 

JONES 

Get me down! Would you please get me down! 

DEREK 

He is obnoxious, isn’t he? 

AMANDA 

Always wanting something. A classic taker. 

JONES 

Just stand under me so that I can un-clip myself. That’s it. That’s all I ask. 

AMANDA 

Can’t do a single thing for himself. Always a handout. 

DEREK 

Let’s get out of here. 

(They start to walk away.) 

JONES 

Wait, where are you going? You can’t leave me here.  

(They stop and turn around.) 

AMANDA 

If we cut him down, he’ll follow us, begging and pleading and wanting more. That’s the last thing I want.  

JONES 

I could die! 

AMANDA 

I don’t want him out of that tree until we’re far away. 

(DEREK hands his cell phone to JONES.) 

DEREK 

Here. Call a friend, if you have any. Tell them your hanging in a tree off the eighth fairway at the Millbrook Heights Country Club. 

AMANDA 

(to Jones) 

I hope I never see you again.  

JONES 

You won’t! 

AMANDA 

(to Derek)  

Do you have an extra room? 

DEREK 

You can choose from one of twelve. 

(AMANDA and DEREK start to walk off.)  

JONES 

You were trying to have sex with me not ten minutes ago, Amanda. Not ten minutes ago! You’re a mean woman, Amanda, snake mean. Oppressive, greedy, selfish and mean!  

(AMANDA snaps around.) 

AMANDA 

You don’t get it, do you, Jones? The gravitational pull of wealth and power, the sweet seduction of mutual selfish interest, the glorious grab-fest of the civilized world. That’s what it’s about. But you don’t get it, Jones, and that’s what makes you a peasant. And why you’ll always be a peasant.  

JONES 

Selfishness and carelessness, is that it, Amanda? Take what you can and fuck everyone and everything else. Is that it what it’s all about? 

AMANDA 

Better than to be left hanging. 

(AMANDA and DEREK exit. JONES gestures at them with disgust. The phone slips out of his hands and falls to the ground. JONES looks down at the phone, then in the direction AMANDA and JONES exited, then at the phone again.) 

CURTAIN