Purg City by Milton Joseph

Purg City | Milton Joseph

CHARACTERS:

EZEKIEL “ZEKE” HERRELSON (M), 20s
ZEKE was a university student who worked at a fast-food restaurant. This play begins immediately after his death, which happened because of an accidental explosion he caused. ZEKE, in his afterlife, has an insatiable curiosity that annoys CATO to no end.

CATO THE LATEST (M / F), any age
CATO is an enigmatic pathfinder in purgatory, an individual who guides the dead either to Heaven or Hell depending on the circumstances of their life and their character. CATO takes their position very seriously, getting impatient with ZEKE, and clearly shows disappointment in Virgil, an unseen coworker.

STAGE INSTRUCTIONS & SET DESIGN:

The set of PURG CITY is basic, a simple office space with a desk, computer, phone, chairs, etc. The entire play takes place within CATO’s private office and follows the conversation between ZEKE and CATO, with occasional interruptions through phone calls with Beatrice, the receptionist, and God Himself.

Lights up. CATO THE LATEST’s office in Purg City, the capital of Purgatory, a place where souls can be guided either to Heaven or Hell. CATO, an ambiguous being with the appearance of a human, works among the guardians of the path to Heaven. CATO is intently working at their desk. They receive a call from Beatrice.

CATO

[On the phone.] Hello? I see. Yeah, sure. Thank you for the warning, Beatrice. Oh, and do you mind telling Virgil that he still owes me for last time? Thank you, I appreciate it.

CATO hangs up. While waiting, CATO continues to work. Suddenly, an explosion rings out and EZEKIEL “ZEKE” HERRELSON, a college student in his mid-20s, tumbles into the office. CATO is unfazed. ZEKE screams, stops, drops, and rolls about, believing he is on fire. CATO finishes their work and waits patiently for ZEKE to stop freaking out. Eventually, ZEKE comes to his senses.

CATO (CONT’D)

…Are you finished?

ZEKE

Uh, yeah? Um… where am I?

CATO

It is nice to meet you, Mr. Ezekiel Herrelson. I am sure you are very confused right now. My name is Cato the Latest, and I work as a pathfinder here in Purg City.

ZEKE

“Purg City…?” How did I get here?

CATO

It’s simple: you died.

ZEKE

…What?

CATO

You are currently in Purgatory.

ZEKE

Whoa, okay, hold on-

CATO

I know what you’re thinking: “I’m not dead. Surely this is some kind of mistake.”

ZEKE

Well, I-

CATO

Indeed, that’s what they all say. You humans and your endless denial of the truth… listen: this may be your first time experiencing this, but I have been through this same song and dance many times. And since I am quite busy, I would like you to think about the events preceding your arrival here as I finish up my work. We can talk once you’ve acknowledged and accepted your situation, okay?

ZEKE

Um, okay?

CATO goes back to work. ZEKE gets up and brushes his clothes off. Once he realizes that he is still in his work uniform and that it is tattered and burnt, he panics.

ZEKE (CONT’D)

Wh-WHAT THE HELL!? Why am I… wait, did that explosion actually happen…? No, no, no, that was just… but it felt so real and-no, I can’t be-

CATO

Alright, it looks as though you have sorted through everything.

ZEKE

What? No, I haven’t! What’s going on here?

CATO

I already told you “what’s going on here.” You’re dead.

ZEKE

Telling me I’m dead over and over really isn’t helping!

CATO

Look, we can talk more once your tiny brain has caught up.

ZEKE

Wow, you’re just the nicest person, aren’t you?

CATO

I get that a lot.

ZEKE

Okay… so I’m dead. I’m dead? I’m dead! I’m… dead?

CATO

There’s only so many ways you can say that you’re dead, Mr. Herrelson.

ZEKE

I know, I know! Just shut up! I’m still… thinking. I really am dead? But, I mean, there’s no way that could’ve killed me, right? It was just a small explosion-

CATO

Small? What are you talking about? The whole restaurant blew up!

ZEKE

Wait, really?

CATO

Yeah, you killed so many people-

ZEKE

Killed!? What does that mean?

CATO

It is a word that refers to when an individual ends another’s life.

ZEKE

I know what the word means! What I meant was… did I kill them?

CATO

You didn’t even know that? What the hell is Virgil doing?

ZEKE

How? How, how, how? How did I do it? No, what am I saying? There’s no way I-

CATO

Guess I’ll just have to tell you since it appears Virgil didn’t bother to. That man had one job and he couldn’t even-whatever. Listen Mr. Herrelson, the explosion was an unexpected accident that you caused. However, though it is true that you inadvertently killed those people, we are aware that you didn’t do it on purpose. In fact, there was no way for you to prevent it. They were simply… collateral damage. Okay, that’s probably not a good way to describe it. Basically, you killed them but it’s not necessarily your fault, understand?

ZEKE

I really did it…? I… killed them?

CATO

Yes. You did. So just accept it already.

ZEKE, depressed, falls to his knees. CATO, realizing that this will be more of a pain than expected, calls Beatrice.

CATO (CONT’D)

Beatrice? This is going to take longer than I expected so I am going to have to cancel our 2 o’clock. Also, could you please tell Virgil that I will kill him? Thank you. [hangs up] Alright, Mr. Herrelson-no, Zeke. That’s what your friends and family called you, yes…? Well, I’ll start calling you Zeke if that’s okay with you…? Oh great, he’s one of those humans. Zeke, I understand that you are racked with guilt or whatever, but you are aware it was an accident, yes? You don’t have to-

ZEKE

You said this is Purgatory, right? Just take me to Hell already. I know that’s what-

CATO

It seems you’ve misunderstood my intentions. I’m not here to take you to Hell. I’m here to evaluate whether or not you are worthy of trying the path to Heaven.

ZEKE

…Why? Why would you ever let someone like me into Heaven?

CATO

Just take one look at yourself. Does someone who feels such empathy towards those they killed in an accident truly deserve to go to Hell without any consideration? According to God, no.

ZEKE

“God?” He exists?

CATO

Yes. It was God Himself that decided to give you a chance.

ZEKE

Really? God decided that?

CATO

Indeed. Hence why we’re here right now. If we decide you truly deserve to go to Hell, I will send you there. But I’m here to give you a chance. Understand?

ZEKE

…Okay.

CATO

Great. By the way, Zeke, feel free to address me as Cato. 

ZEKE

Cato the Latest, right? Is that a nickname?

CATO

…I suppose you could say that.

ZEKE

Can you tell me your real name?

CATO

No. I’m not going to share my real name with a piece of trash like you.

ZEKE

Well, this is going great already.

CATO

Do not worry, my own personal bias will not get in the way of our discussion.

ZEKE

Fair enough. Um… so what do we do now?

CATO

I’m going to ask you some questions and you simply have to answer them. Just think of this like a job interview.

ZEKE

Oof, that’s not good.

CATO

You should do fine, considering the fact that you are more likely to end up in Heaven than Hell.

ZEKE

I am?

CATO

Yes, for you see, God is a bit of a softy. Almost to a fault, if you ask me.

ZEKE

…Are you allowed to say that? Isn’t that blasphemy?

CATO

It’s you humans that came up with that term. It doesn’t concern me.

ZEKE

I see… say, am I really able to go to Heaven? I’m not even religious.

CATO

You may not be, but your family is. In fact, it’s the prayers of your loved ones that is giving you this opportunity.

ZEKE

Really? I guess that’s good-

CATO

However, it appears that the curses of the loved ones to those who you killed are holding you back.

ZEKE

Oh, right. I killed people…

CATO

I told you, you don’t need to feel guilty. It was inevitable.

ZEKE

Inevitable? What do you mean?

CATO

I believe you humans sometimes call it predetermination?

ZEKE

“Predetermination?”

CATO

In layman’s terms, fate.

ZEKE

…You’re saying that I was always fated to blow up the restaurant!?

CATO

Indeed. Everything that happened was always destined to take place.

ZEKE

Wh-am I supposed to just accept that!? What’s God’s problem, letting this happen!?

CATO

…It seems you don’t understand what God is. God isn’t this all-powerful being that can change things on a whim. God simply presides over humanity and helps those who have passed on. God cannot change your fate.

ZEKE

Are you serious…? I… was always going to…

CATO

Yes, so just accept it Zeke. You don’t have a choice.

ZEKE

Do you seriously think I can just accept that!?

CATO

No, I don’t think you can. I’m just saying that it happened and there’s nothing you can do to change that. All your meaningless lives have come to an end! That’s all this is.

ZEKE

Meaningless…?

CATO

You’re such a pain to deal with! Listen, Mr. Herrelson. I don’t have all day. You don’t have to accept what you did right away. For now, let’s just get this discussion over with so we can get on with our afterlives.

ZEKE

“Our?” Are you dead too?

CATO

…Let’s move on.

ZEKE

Actually, is this really the afterlife?

CATO

Indeed. Something wrong with that?

ZEKE

No, well, it’s just… I always imagined it would be more… never mind.

CATO

More what?

ZEKE

…Magical?

CATO

I’m sorry that Purgatory isn’t Magical enough for you, whatever the hell that means.

ZEKE

Well, I mean, I just thought that it would be more… ethereal, or… weird, you know?

CATO

Are you disappointed that it’s not like you imagined?

ZEKE

Not really. It’s just that I didn’t think it would be a normal city.

CATO

The appearance of this realm is a match to the common human experience. You all may imagine angels with wings, blood-red demons, halos, golden gates, etcetera. But that’s just your imagination. In contrast, this place is molded to be comfortable for humans; it becomes a place of familiarity. Which makes sense, considering it was you humans that created us and this-

ZEKE

Wait, wait, what did you say? We… “created” you?

CATO

…I’ve said too much.

ZEKE

No, please, I want to know. I’ve always had a hard time believing this stuff, but if my family is really able to save me by believing in it, then I think I want to learn more. I want to understand why that is.
CATOMy apologies, Mr. Herr-Zeke, but you are overstepping-

ZEKE

I understand that talking about this might be bad, but I need to know!
CATO[Sighs.] I’d prefer not to discuss it… however, I suppose I can make an exception.

ZEKE

Thank you, Cato-

CATO

But! Understand that learning this information means that you are increasing your chances of being sent straight to Hell. I know I said that God is a softy, but He can be cruel when the time comes. Do you still wish to learn the truth?

ZEKE

…Yes.

CATO

I see. Humans, for as long as they have existed, believed that they were created by someone. That there is a higher power that not only created the world, but also created humanity. You understand all of this already, correct?

ZEKE

I do.

CATO

None of that is true.

ZEKE

None of it?

CATO

Well, as far as we know, it is not.

ZEKE

What does that mean?

CATO

The God that I know was created by you humans. Your faith in a higher power is what made Heaven, Hell, and all of us in between here in Purgatory. As far as I am aware, I am a creation of God, who Himself was a creation of yours. This is true for all of the religions in your world. All of their gods, demons, spirits, etcetera, all of them exist simply due to the beliefs of humanity. As Christians, your family was able to guide you here to us, purely through the power of their beliefs.

ZEKE

Wow, I had no idea… You really did tell me everything. Thank you, Cato.

CATO

I’ll leave it to you to choose whether you trust in anything I have said.

ZEKE

Um, can you tell me what happens when there is no belief?

CATO

…Nothing.

ZEKE

“Nothing?”

CATO

Indeed, I’m sure that nothing would happen. It checks out, no? If you don’t believe there is an afterlife, then you won’t go to one.

ZEKE

Then why? Why was I an exception?

CATO

I told you, you’re family is the reason you-

ZEKE

My family is not that religious though. They barely even go to Church.

CATO

…Then perhaps God simply took pity on you?

ZEKE

Even you don’t know?

CATO

It’s not like I know everything.

ZEKE

I guess that makes sense.

CATO

Indeed. I may have answers, but in the end I’m just a standard pathfinder in Purg City. 

ZEKE

…That’s interesting.

CATO

What’s interesting?

ZEKE

Hey, Cato. What are you?

CATO

…I’m sorry?

ZEKE

I’m a human. God is God. What are you?

CATO

Is that important?

ZEKE

I think so. I may not have been religious, but I was always aware of what I was.

CATO

Good for you. But what does that have to do with me?

ZEKE

You look like a human to me, but this whole time, you’ve been saying, “you humans,” as if you aren’t like us. So I was just wondering what you are.

CATO

…We’ve gotten sidetracked. Let’s just start the interview.

ZEKE

Is there any reason you can’t-

CATO

I SAID LET’S START THE INTERVIEW!

ZEKE

…Okay.

CATO

First question. Wait, did it truly take us this long to get to the first question?

ZEKE

Sorry.

CATO

Whatever. First question: were you happy with your life?

ZEKE

“Happy?” That’s a loaded question-

CATO

Yeah, and it’s the first one so get used to it.

ZEKE

…Was I happy with my life… I don’t know? I mean, it wasn’t the worst life, I guess. But I never really got to do anything either? I died at a part-time job, which was a place I was only working at to earn money for college, which itself was a place I only went to for the hell of it. But, I wasn’t necessarily unhappy? Though I wasn’t exactly happy either. I am unhappy now knowing I killed people but-

CATO

I didn’t ask for a monologue, Zeke. I want a succinct answer. Were you happy or not?

ZEKE

I guess my answer is that I’m not satisfied with how my life turned out?

CATO

…I suppose that answer will suffice. Alright, next question-

ZEKE

Hold on, actually, I want to ask you something else.

CATO

Go ahead.

ZEKE

It’s about what we talked about earlier.

CATO

Oh, great.

ZEKE

You said God and Heaven exist only because we humans believe in it.

CATO

Yes I did.

ZEKE

Are you sure that it’s not the other way around? That we only believe in it because it exists? And does this place even exist? Is this not just a dream or something fake-

CATO

We already discussed all of this, Zeke. I thought we moved on-

ZEKE

But I’m curious to see if you know-

CATO

No, you know what? I’m tired of this. I’m tired of you humans quantifying everything. Why do you care so much about figuring everything out? Why do two apples have to be categorized as something different just because they’re from different trees? You can’t just accept that they’re both the same thing? This is what has always bothered me about humans, but you piss me off the most. You’re not unhappy, yet you’re not happy either? What the hell does that even mean? You lived such a comfortable life. There are some people who’ve lived 80 years and counting that haven’t experienced as much as you did in your short time on Earth. And what’s with all the sudden questions? You never cared about any of this before so why is it that you suddenly have an insatiable curiosity about everything? Even the most skeptical of individuals don’t-no. My apologies. I did not intend to share my opinion. This was meant to be an unbiased discussion.

ZEKE

No, no. I appreciate your honesty.

CATO

Do you really?

ZEKE

Yes. I… want to apologize.

CATO

Apologize for what?

ZEKE

I asked you earlier about what you are. I realize now that that was insensitive.

CATO

Don’t worry about it.

ZEKE

I do worry, Cato. That’s what humans-no, that’s what I do.

CATO

…Is that your point? That your curiosity is because you worry?

ZEKE

Yeah, at least I do. I’m not a representative for all humans, so that may not be true for everyone. Basically, what I want to say is that… no matter what you are, you will at least always be Cato. Or something.

CATO

…Is that all you have to say?

ZEKE

I guess so.

CATO

Let’s finish the interview. Second question- [The phone rings.] Hold on a minute. [On the phone.] Hello…? Oh. I see. [To ZEKE.] God has decided.

ZEKE

Decided?

CATO

Indeed, He has decided what we’re doing with you.

ZEKE

Already? We didn’t even finish the interview.

CATO

I may have told you to treat this like a job interview, which you didn’t even do, by the way. But whatever, that’s not important. My point is that unlike an interview, the response here is quite swift. Though… this was a lot faster than usual. [On the phone.] What? I see. I’ll let him know. [Hangs up.] Mr. Ezekiel Herrelson. It appears that God has decided that you will be going to He-

ZEKE

No, don’t tell me.

CATO

What?

ZEKE

I don’t need to know.

CATO

What do you mean you, “don’t need to know?”

ZEKE

I… I never cared to learn about anything, ever. I really regret that. 

CATO

Okay? So what’s your point, Zeke?

ZEKE

I feel like I don’t deserve to go anywhere until I learn more about everything. I… want to confirm a few things about the afterlife so I’d like to stay here in Purg City.

CATO

…And what makes you think you can do that?

ZEKE

I don’t think I can. I just want to. I don’t expect you to let me-

CATO

Fine. You can stay in Purg City.

ZEKE

I can?

CATO

Indeed. It seems God predicted that you might decide to remain here and informed me to allow it, despite how unusual this is.

ZEKE

Wow, thank you so much, Cato-

CATO

But! You can only stay for a short while. In the near future, I will tell you where you will be going. When I do, you must obey me. Understand?

ZEKE

Yes! I appreciate it, Cato. I mean it. I still haven’t come to terms with killing all those people and even being dead. But I think having you here really helped me. If I was alone, I doubt that I’d be able to stand it. So… thanks for being with me. I know it’s your job and you probably don’t care about me, but I’ll always remember this.

CATO

I see. Well, it’s finally time that I let you go. But first, I need to ask you something.

ZEKE

What’s up?

CATO

When you arrived here, you were kicking and screaming about like a lunatic.

ZEKE

That did happen, didn’t it?

CATO

Indeed. I found it unusual in retrospect since that does not typically happen within this office.

ZEKE

That’s what you found unusual about it?

CATO

Yes. So I wanted to ask if you were perchance sent directly here after you died?

ZEKE

I think so? The first thing I remember after what happened was suddenly being here.

CATO

I see… that’s all I needed to know. Farewell, Zeke.

ZEKE

Bye. Hey, can I ask you one more thing?

CATO

Oh great, there’s more?

ZEKE

Yeah, I just gotta know something.

CATO

What is it?

ZEKE

Are you happy, Cato?

CATO

…Get the hell out of my office.

ZEKE

Alright. Thank you, Cato. See ya.

ZEKE exits the office. CATO goes back to work. At some point, CATO stops, thinks, and then calls Beatrice.

CATO

[On the phone.] Hello, Beatrice? About those things I asked you to say to Virgil… don’t worry about it. Seems that it was a slight misunderstanding. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’m still going to murder him. Yes, yes, I admit that you were right. Zeke truly was an interesting client. Send in the next one anytime. Yeah. Thank you.

CATO hangs up and goes back to work. Lights out.

CURTAIN.

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