Reflections on the American Dream in Hyeseung Song’s “Docile: Memoirs of a Not-so-Perfect Asian Girl“
Simon and Schuster
Docile
Memoirs of a Not-So-Perfect Asian Girl
By Hyeseung Song
Review by Sydney Poniewaz
Hyeseung Song’s intimate and tender memoir, Docile: Memoirs of a Not-so-Perfect Asian Girl, explores the captivity of the expectations introduced by the “American Dream,” a concept that promises prosperity and happiness to anyone who works hard. For Song and her family, these expectations are amplified through the model minority myth that Asian Americans often face. This myth stereotypes Asian American adults as higher-earning and Asian American children as excellent students, especially in science and math. Song grows up alongside both and in this memoir she challenges these narrowly defined ideas as she carefully chronicles the complexities of her journey. It is a path of self-discovery and reflection and one where Song must re-define who she is and what happiness means to her. er.
The daughter of Korean immigrants, Song’s childhood is consumed by competing ideas of the “American Dream” and what success looks like. Her father, who she calls Appa, makes the decision to move the family to America in pursuit of his idea of the American Dream– large sums of money. As Song describes, “Appa wanted it all.” However, his elaborate business ventures and impulsive spending drained the family’s bank accounts.
In the face of Appa’s recklessness, Song’s mother, who she calls Umma, provides for the family as a nurse. Observing Umma’s quiet compliance in funding Appa’s fruitless endeavors, Song internalizes the lesson that “love is obedience.” In turn, she attempts to be docile and fulfill Umma’s wishes. This mother-daughter relationship fuels the central conflict of the memoir. Umma, deeply unhappy with her own life warns Song, “don’t be like me when you grow up Hyeseung-a.” However, in Umma’s efforts to mold Song into her idea of “success,” Song becomes confined to an idea of the American Dream that prioritizes achievement over happiness.
As Song grows older, her identity becomes increasingly entangled with her mother’s expectations. Song learns that her mother’s love for her is conditional on her success, reflecting, “she loved me, but it never felt what I wanted was worth listening to because she was too busy trying to shape me in her image, to love me if and only if and on condition.”
While away at Princeton, Song reaches a breaking point. Despite being the only girl in her school to attend an Ivy League university, often regarded as the pinnacle of success in American society, the pressures to succeed toss Song into a depression. She confides in her dean and says, “I’d like to belong to myself and work at something I know I could contribute to without having to ‘be the best.’ A mistake wouldn’t be death, but rather a mistake. At night, I’d read or walk. And the only rule would be to do what fulfills me and only me.” In response, the dean offers Song an escape, a year off from Princeton. This conversation marks the rejection of the traditional American Dream as well as the expectations of her family and the pursuit of an alternative path. For the first time, Song gains agency over her own life.
Many coming-of-age stories focus on the universal human desire to fit in; however, Song’s story highlights the Asian American experience often left out of the media. As a child, Song is introduced to the pressures of the model minority myth through expectations from her peers, parents, and teachers to excel in school. Her identity is so tightly bound to her academic success that when she is given the superlative, “thinks she’s the smartest” instead of “smartest girl” it destroys her sense of self completely. For most of her early education, Song not only believes that succeeding academically is what she should be doing but also who she is. Stories of Song’s academic success and failures begin in just the second chapter and dominate much of the memoir, highlighting their significance on her identity.
With lyrical vulnerability and a perspective usually left out of mainstream literature, Docile: Memoirs of a Not-so-Perfect Asian Girl serves as a critique of the American Dream and a powerful reminder that success can look different for everyone. In a time of increasing mental health issues for young adults, Song’s memoir is both comforting and encouraging for those who feel lost amongst the various influences in their lives as they attempt to discover their identity.
“Docile: Memoirs of a Not-so-Perfect Asian Girl“ is available now, from Simon and Schuster, Bookshop, Barnes and Noble, Amazon, and Books-A-Million.
About the reviewer:
Sydney Poniewaz is a writer and public relations professional from St. Louis, Missouri. Her interests in social issues such as women’s rights, economic empowerment and diversity often inform her writing and creative projects. When not writing, you can find her sipping coffee, practicing yoga or diving into a good book.