It Was a Pheromone Party | Val Maloof
You know, a pheromone party? The kind where strangers all wear shirts to bed for three nights in a row, then put it in a bag, label it with their ID number, and then everyone goes around sniffing each bag like a zombie trying to find its prey? You don’t have those here?
You should start them. They’re fun. Make sure to wear cotton, it’s breathable and your stench will last longer in the fabric. Try not to judge the color or what’s on each shirt, don’t read too much into it, it’s all about the smell.
I know pheromones don’t have a smell, but it’s also about the smell.
No, you don’t touch the shirts, that would tamper with the purity of the experiment. You just sniff. They line up all the shirts like evidence bags and with gloves on and you open each one and try to find your future partner. At first, you might be really eager – Ok that one didn’t smell too bad. But just wait, they get better. I mean they also get worse of course, like repulsive even, but also better. There’s a smell out there that’s just right for you.
Who started this? A friend of a friend. He said he was looking for someone special. He said the apps were so empty and meaningless. How can you really know someone if you don’t know what it smells like to stand next to them? We all laughed and said that people do meet people through the apps. We said, you’re using your eyes to view their photos and then when you meet them you’re hearing their voice and feeling their hug. All these things matter.
But he said smell was his favorite way to know someone. He said after his wife died a few years ago he would wrap himself in the blanket she watched TV in. Every day, even in the summer he’d wrap her blanket around his neck and shoulders, seeing how many times it could go around his body. It was like she was still here. But after a while, the blanket no longer smelled like her. Time wore it off. And he’s now searching for her scent, sticking his face into each bag, hoping for something close.
About the Author:
Val Maloof‘s fiction has appeared in The Drum Literary Magazine, 100 Word Story, Jellyfish Review, Chicago Literari, Bartleby Snopes, and The Bookends Review. Val holds a BFA in Writing from Emerson College and is a Chicago-based writer. She is currently working on her first novel.